How to Have a Mindful Political Discussion
“Look at other people and ask yourself if you are really seeing them or just your thoughts about them.”
~Jon Kabat-Zinn
While our politicians wage war, a majority of the people in this country would like to see the various factions overcome their political differences and for Congress to work together. This is a lofty goal considering the hyper partisan atmosphere right now. Even outside of government, we are barely speaking to each other, but it is possible to bring mindfulness practice off the meditation cushion and into all aspects of our lives, including difficult conversations.
Healing the divide starts with talking to each other again and listening with non-judgment and compassion. Remember there are two parts of communication: listening and speaking. We can bring mindfulness to both by remaining in the present moment and listening with mindful awareness and speaking with nonjudgment and kindness.
Mindful Listening
Engaging in a mindful political discussion is not much different from mindful communication on any other topic. Depending on who you are talking to and what you are talking about, the subject can be touchy, so it’s important to start from a place of respect. This begins with listening. Talking over each other and interrupting to negate what the other person is saying, is disrespectful.
Beyond not being rude to the person we are speaking with, we need to make sure we are listening. This is not always the case. There are many reasons people don’t listen to each other. Sometimes lack of listening can result from an emotional reaction the listener is having to what the speaker is saying. We are often judging what the other person is saying and thinking about what we will say next. If we are doing all that, are we really listening?
To apply mindfulness to a political discussion, or any conversation, be present. This is the foundation of mindfulness practice and especially important in a discussion. Focus attention on what the other person is saying and remain present in the moment to avoid mind wandering or disengaging. Put down your phone and be with the conversation.
Speaking Mindfully
Political conversations turn into arguments because people automatically react and often say things they don’t mean. Before speaking, take the time to understand. You can paraphrase or ask for clarification to show that you are listening and understanding before you respond.
Renowned Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield talks about the “sacred pause”. During this pause, he tells us to “stop and release our identification with problems and reactions.” Automatic reactions are where political conversations go off the rails. This is especially true when discussing a topic that we feel passionate about, such as the environment or human rights. But taking the pause allows us to release our identification with our reaction and examine our motivation. Do we want to win the argument or find understanding and common ground?
If you want the discussion to be productive, stay on topic and avoid going off on a rant or making judgmental or hurtful comments. When making a point, be specific and provide examples to clarify. It’s fine to illustrate your point but remain respectful of the other person. In other words, do it without insults. Elementary school teachers often tell the kids to THINK, which is an acronym for is what I am saying True, Helpful, Informative, Necessary, Kind? What we teach to first graders can serve us well as adults having conversations about challenging, yet important topics.
Let go of the outcome, completely. That’s hard, especially when discussing a topic that you really care about. In the end, we don’t have control over the results of any communication. In fact, having the expectation of “winning” the argument or convincing the other person to agree with your point of view leads to resentment and animosity, and we have enough of both. Let go of the need to be right or to win. It’s a good idea to practice all of this before having a conversation because it’s tricky to do in the moment or when things are already heated.
When we have real conversations with others, we may actually find that we agree in some areas. Our country seems irrevocably divided and tribal, and in many ways it is. It can feel like there is no middle and everything is polarized, but that isn’t the truth. We do have big problems with polarization in the United States at the moment, yet there are some areas that have broad agreement among people from both parties. That is a good place to start.
